The pain that you create now is always some form of non- acceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is. People also know from their own experience how easily and quickly an intimate relationship can turn from a source of pleasure to a source of pain.
Stop punishing yourself right now and Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know that it is the pain. Accept that it is there. Don’t think about it – don’t let the feeling turn into thinking. Don’t judge or analyse. Don’t make an identity for yourself out of it. The first thing to remember is this: as long as you make an identity for yourself out of the pain, you cannot become free of it.